Loop Humor: Where’s the Petticoat Lane of 2022?
Becky Brown goes on a quest to find Downtown’s best holiday decorations
There’s this song called “Christmas in Kansas City,” which is pretty much the most 1985 thing ever. Kids think the ’80s were all neon and hairspray, but no. They were questionable soft-rock and brown. Everything was brown.
At any rate, the song got me thinking about holidays here, so I asked my mom Cyndi about her childhood experience visiting KC. Her dad was born and raised here. But by 1956, my Grandpa Ed was a salesman in Mason City, Iowa, with three daughters. My mom was 8.
Petticoat Lane and the magic of Downtown KC in the ’50s
Cousin Joann took Cyndi downtown to see Petticoat Lane.
“Joann was a grownup! And she only took me, which made it really special,” Cyndi says. “We rode the bus, which seemed a lot bigger deal than riding a bus in Mason City.”
Sure, the bus ride was noteworthy. But it wasn’t anything compared to their destination.
“It wasn’t just one store that had a wonderful, decorated window with moving parts and everything,” Cyndi says. “It was a whole line of them! It was a fairyland. After all these years, I can still remember all the decorations and the lights. It was very special.”
Finding the best of KC holidays today
I’ve lived in Kansas City for more than 20 years, and familiarity can make it easy to take even the most amazing things for granted. But my mom’s excitement was palpable. And Kansas City is so very special.
So I did what anyone would do: I made my husband explore Downtown, looking for holiday decorations. It wasn’t just a drive – it was a quest. An epic pursuit of magic, an overland excursion that could also inspire other Kansas Citians to explore Downtown at this, the most wonderful time of the year.
I should also note that this was after a Chiefs loss, we wandered somewhat aimlessly and we were both hungry. But here’s what we saw.
Union Station
Union Station has it all! The building is lit majestically and gives you that fuzzy feeling of being proud to be a Kansas Citian. Now through Jan. 1, they also have all kinds of fun stuff inside, like decorations, a VR ride, a huge model train gallery and “new scenic elements” for the ’grammer in your life.
But we didn’t go in, because I was trying to limit our recommendations to car-only sights. Mostly because I had forgotten to change out of my house shoes. #klassy
Downtown Marriott
You can enjoy the light show on the front of the Marriott from the comfort of your car – even while cruising north on I-35. You could poo-poo the display as sort of a huge Lite Brite for grownups, but it’s cool and fun and joyful and you know it. KCUR offers an inside look.
Interlude: It was about this time in our venture that Yon Husband and I began to take notice of the musical selections on the radio. “Come On Christmas, Christmas Come On” by Ringo Starr is … really something. We decided that if you’re a Beatle, you get to yell at holidays to hurry up. But … wow.
Power & Light District / PNC Plaza
The P&L is filled with holiday lights. The trees are all wrapped in blue and there are white lights overhead, as you can admire here, thanks to Better Half’s sweet photography:
Never let it be said that we don’t offer top-notch multi-media services.
Bonus for the big ol’ tree in PNC Plaza, which you may know by its more common name, “You Know, That Patio Right Outside of Chipotle.” If I had been wearing appropriate footwear, it would have been fun to walk around. And if the Chiefs hadn’t just lost, there would have been more action beyond sad people waiting for Ubers.
Petticoat Lane
Pour one out for Petticoat Lane. No lights.
River Market / City Market
All the light poles in the River Market are festooned with lights. And the Strawberry Swing’s handmade holiday celebration is in City Market each Saturday and Sunday through Dec. 18. But the highlight for me was River Market Antiques. The windows are filled with vintage Christmas goodies, including a rad collection of holiday-themed sweatshirts. Why let ugly sweaters get all the love? You know you rocked a Christmas sweatshirt back in the day and it was awesome.
Interlude: After a swing along Berkley Riverfront Park (no lights), we ended up on I-35 and Sweet Husband lost his mind over a few streetlights. “Purple lights! I’ve heard about them but I’ve never seen them until now! So cool!”
Say what?
Turns out that there’s a defect in some LED streetlight bulbs that cause the light to appear purple, not white. Kind of festive. And educational. You can learn more thanks to Reddit.
Westside
We tooled around the Westside and were taken by the lovely views of the Kauffman Center, Sky Stations and Marriott. I’m guessing they don’t want you loitering outside the FBI, but the Summit Street bridge is a pretty good vantage point. Also, the close proximity to the law helped dull my homicidal urges when Trophy Husband noted, “Oh, look! The Kauffman is lit up!” after we’d driven by it three times.
Interlude: This is when our ears were treated to “The Little Drummer Boy” by Salsoul Orchestra. Play it at your next holiday roller disco. The briefest of research shows that this was part of a 1976 album that was all holiday disco, which is so absurd that it demands respect.
Crown Center / Ice Terrace / Mayor’s Christmas Tree
Our last stop provided the classic Christmas wonderland we’d been searching for. A healthy crowd of people were donning festive cold-weather garb, admiring the huge tree and/or peer pressuring each other into ice skating. I’m a sucker for white lights, and Crown Center was illuminated with a rosy glow.
I asked Spousal Unit to take a photo. But there was a car behind us that wasn’t taking it all in as much as wanting to get on their merry way already. So … here:
I mean … you’ve seen worse, right?
As insane as it sounds, we leaned into it and enjoyed this adventure. The pandemic has created an era of making our own fun, and this definitely qualified. Also? Overlook any subpar photography skills and marry someone who makes you laugh. It makes any season bright.
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funny~!